When Zac, 32, Strolls In IRL

by Francine Witte

he looks nothing like his profile pic. For one, he’s wearing a fake mustache. For two, his hair is blonde.

He recognizes me, of course. I’ve gone to great lengths to look exactly like my profile pic, which is me in my cooking class, and I’m sitting here with a frying pan, just to be safe.

He sits down and explains his disguise. My wife has spies all over, he says. This is the first I’ve heard of a wife, but whatevs. With my track record, we won’t make it past coffee.

I tell him I think he looks better without the mustache, and frankly I thought he’d be taller. He says I look like an idiot, sitting here with a frying pan. It makes me look too wifey and he’s already got one of those.

“I know, stupid, you just told me.” I say, and with that, he just pulls out his phone, right there, like I’ve gone invis.

I hear the beep on my phone and figure what the hell.

I see it’s a message from Zac, 32.

“Hi beautiful,” it says, “what are you up to?”

“I miss you,” I type in, “like you wouldn’t believe.”

Francine Witte is the author of four poetry chapbooks and two flash fiction chapbooks. Her full-length poetry collection, Café Crazy, has recently been published by Kelsay Books. She is reviewer, blogger, and photographer. She is a former English teacher. She lives in NYC.