The Chupacabra is a creature with a scaly pelt the color of dirty fog and a body shaped like coyote crossed nonconsensually with greyhound. Its considerable fangs protrude immediately before attack, at which time the chupacabra will also redden its lidless, balloon eyes and screech, producing nausea in its victims.

The chupacabra’s vertebrae is curved like the yogic cat pose and covered with retractable spines that resemble giant prickly pear needles. It walks upright on two of four scrawny legs.

A select number of chupacabra were introduced to Puerto Rico by the alien tribe Ashtar upon the release of the movie Species, which they co-produced.

Chupacabras subsist on the blood of cows, chickens, turkeys, horses, dogs and goats, which they slurp from the victims neck via two pierced entries until their prey is dried nearly to powder. The only chupacabra modern science has been lucky enough to dissect was struck by a Ford Taurus in Texas while pursuing a Pugapoo. It was determined that the chupacabra’s blood genetically resembled neither human nor animal orders, and that its few bones stretched infinitely like chewing gum.

There is a chupacabra joke with the punch line, chu-papa and chu-mama, whose initiating query has been siphoned from popular memory.